oh fuck
i knew i was using reading as a form of stimulation and sort of escape, but it was a cptsd response???
thinking something bad would happen so dont get too happy was a cptsd response???
lower happiness in exchange for less feelings of sadness was a cptsd response????
my parents are shitty cowards who were occasionally nice and made ultra conflicted feelings is a cptsd response???
making things up and figuring shit out for yourself isn't normal??????
goddamn it
shitty ass parents fucked my life up so bad